I am wrapped up in a blanket with both of the windows wide open in my place on Huntington ave. for summer 1.  It’s funny how I can move up the street and feel so rejuvenated. With each gust of wind, the tiles in my ceiling go up and go down. They make a loud noise sometimes, and other times I am confused as to whether it’s the wind controlling them or the little mice that are rumored to live up there. Even though sometimes this opening and closing coupled with the chilly breeze will scare me; it feels good to be able to feel and listen and see it all happening around me.
Today in my screenwriting class we watched,  “The Diving Bell & the Butterfly.” It’s currently one of my new favorite movies. Watch a trailer for it here: http://video.movies.go.com/thedivingbellandthebutterfly/main.html
It was one of those movies where when it ended, you felt good to be alive. Maybe one day I’ll be able to create a movie where someone leaves feeling like I did today.
I love this summer wind; I guess tonight it feels more like autumn than summer; props to Sinatra for pointing out the feeling of a summer wind around you.
 
Quote:

Harvey ‘Big Daddy’ Pollitt: You’re a thirty-year-old kid. Soon you’ll be a fifty-year-old kid. Pretendin’ you’re hearin’ cheers when there ain’t any. Dreamin’ and drinkin’ your life away. Heroes in the real world live twenty-four hours a day, not just two hours in a game. Mendacity! You won’t…

Harvey ‘Big Daddy’ Pollitt: You won’t live with mendacity? Well, you’re an expert at it! The truth is pain and sweat and payin’ bills and makin’ love to a woman that you don’t love any more. Truth is dreams that don’t come true, and nobody prints your name in the paper ’til you die.
– Cat on a Hit Tin Roof 

I watched this documentary called, “Grey Gardens.” Find more factual information about the film here, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grey_Gardens
What really struck me about the film, was how people can get lost in their imaginiation of what was and what could be. Little Edie said herself that, “It’s very difficult to keep the line between the past and the present. You know what I mean? It’s awfully difficult.” I feel like sometimes when you reach a certain age, you sometimes have a hard time differentiating between the two. I don’t mean this in a medical way, because of course that’s something that naturally happens. But in the way that your life becomes more and more blended as you go along, and maybe the past becomes more real to you because you can’t face the reality of the present. It’s difficult for me to make this generilization because I am still fairly young; however, I have seen this happen to members of my family.
Little Edie in “Grey Gardens” fell short of her own expectations. It’s so sad to watch her interact with her mother, still thinking that there is a possibility that she will somehow become what she had always wanted to. That she somehow will go out and marry. That she somehow will be thirty years younger. It still is a very funny movie, but there is a very serious quality of saddness to it.
 
This summer, even though it seems that I am always busy, it doesn’t feel like I am accomplishing very much. A major fear of mine is to become a Little Edie, talking about shoulda coulda wouldas. Too often during my shifts at Event Temps,  I will meet people in their late thirties or forties who told me they graduated from a school like NYU with a degree in something like English. My worst nightmare is to still be working for Event Temps when I am 35. There is nothing wrong with the fact that these were the paths that those people chose, but I would fall short of what I expect for myself if  I haven’t progressed in 15 years. There is a quote from the bible, which I think is superly true, and  superly relevant. “To whom much is given, much is required.” Thinking about that inspires me to keep doing more. Sometimes I get down on myself, I think that what I do doesn’t matter. Maybe it doesn’t, but I know who it does matter to… my parents. They have given me so much in this world, provided me with so many opportunities, and I know that I should keep trying not just for my sake, but theirs as well. I have been given much, and I am required to give back more.
 
Quote:
 
“Nothing is more real than nothing.” – a quote from one of Ariela’s drawing books.

Here’s to summer and all of its glory. Here’s to friends, the beach, white pants and blue shoes. Here’s to the pool and a Cuba Libre.

What do I want this summer? Just that.

Quote:

I grow old . . .I grow old . . .
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
- T. S. Eliot