I was on the Internet, late (similarly to how I am now) when I received an instant message from a person I did not recognize. Usually when you receive an IM from someone you do not know it usually means one of three things:
1.)   They added you a long time ago when they were randomly stalking people one night.
2.)   They accidently IMed you
3.)   Trouble

I’ve been trying really hard to find a solo trumpet album, or a song even; just one sad, solo trumpet. Today, while at Barnes and Nobel I decided to add to my search a saxophone. I couldn’t find that either.
Isn’t that how it usually works though? People don’t find what they are looking for, they are supposed to find what they are supposed to find. Which can be what they are looking for, but a lot of times ends up being something totally different. And undeniably sometimes you end up with nothing, flat out nothing. But try and hold your breath and not be disappointed. Sometimes it is something you don’t realize that you need, and when it makes its way into your pocket (or your life) you realize, jeez I am way better with this here, than I ever was when I didn’t have it.
Today, I did find something. Chris Botti’s version of “Someone To Watch Over Me” Although not exactly how I pictured my solo trumpet song to sound, it definitely creates the feeling that I imagined it would. I actually feel the music and understand the music, whether I want to or not. Now that’s art, when the piece is able to grab you and turn you and pull you without you needing to give yourself to it. Even though you can’t really define art, I think that’s a close step in the right direction.
Today a dear friend of mine shared with me an explanation for certain types of people. She said she borrowed this from her other friend, but whatever… Someone, somewhere, said this. That the reason people get hooked on people who twist you about, and leave you knowing that things will never be more than what they are. Is because these people are CAPTIVATING. Be warned. These people are captivating and although they can easily swallow you, they aren’t the people you wind up with, but the people that fuck you up. They fuck you up because they make you believe that something is wrong with you. You may start to question yourself… doubt yourself… Why don’t they like me? Is it because I’m not skinny enough? Is it because I’m not artistic enough? Is it THIS Or That? No, no, no. “The problem isn’t you, it’s them…. “ or “it’s not you it’s me” Well, that’s what they say anyways. I can’t even learn this, but it’s happened so many times to me. I thought you’re supposed to learn how to avoid these situations. Isn’t the best teacher experience itself?
Here is my latest project; hopefully there will be more soon. I am going to create another blog where I explain why I chose the images I chose with the words I wrote.
First, a quote:
“Perhaps the most difficult choices to make are the ones that deny us what our heart wants most, because as it’s been said, without reason and without prudence, the heart wants what the heart wants, and more often than not, it will not be denied.” –Mary, In Plain Sight