When we said goodbye in January, I thought I’d be returning to you: even if it were just as friends, and I was ok with that- because I always wanted you to be a part of my life – a major part of my life. You’ve done me a lot of favors since I’ve been gone, but I don’t understand the cool distance that has now settled between us. I would do anything for it not to exist. I have never been as close to anyone as I had been with you, and how we are now hurts me. What hurts the most though is just knowing that you actively do not want me part of your life, or have actively given me that impression. When I ran into you the other day, I missed my friend, the person I knew I could always turn to, my most loyal companion whom I understood and understood me. I did not feel those longing for love feelings I felt once upon a time. It’s all about the friendship and the connection that we have lost, and the fact that you make it look so easy. I have never experienced such a loss knowing that the loss is one sided. It makes me wonder about how I was in our relationship: Wasn’t I good to you? Did I provide any emotional support for you? Or was our closeness just a figment of my imagination? It sure feels like it was, but I try not to let myself get lost thinking that. I just want to be friends. It scares me to think about how close you can become with someone and then in a matter of a few short months they can totally turn their back on you and c’est la vie it’s like you never existed.  Just because I went to Australia and had these other experiences, it does not replace what we had. I always said, before we became close, that I believed everybody was replaceable (to a certain extent). You always would argue with me about how ridiculous and sad it is to think that way, but losing you reminds me why I had thought that way to begin with. I have wanted to call and tell you these things, but I have gotten the impression that you don’t want to hear it. I thought about calling you and telling you that I want to be friends, and I thought about asking why why why, but it’s been clear that you don’t want to be friends (at least close friends right now). So if you find yourself reading these words, know that I don’t understand what has happened, know that I don’t like what has happened, know that I wish we could rekindle our connection as two people who understand each other, know that I miss you, and know that even though it hurts me that you’re gone—I hope you are happy.