Supplementary Commentary » loss

Old Familiar Pain

Gabby Gabriel — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 09:08:40 +0000

This is one of the few moments where I don’t actually want to lose what I have with someone. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to end a relationship because of the timing and the distance that inevitably would not work well together. This is the first time, however, I’ve had to do it without some kind of hard feelings to remember in order to make it ending it easier. This is the first time I’ve broken up with someone who I whole heartedly felt like it was just too soon, just not fair. My stomach feels that sinking feeling, it reminds me of the “familiar pain” that Dan Fogelberg sings about in his “Same Old Lang Syne.” It’s a mixture of loss, pain, nostalgia and just plain fear. Although it isn’t necessarily the end, I’m treating it as if it is, otherwise I’d be hanging on to a false hope – and nothing tricks you more than false hopes. I hate this feeling; it makes me never want to be in a relationship again. I miss having my companion. The person I shared everything with. I am re-learning what it is to be alone, to sleep alone, to go out alone, and I am left here, feeling this loss, alone. I wish I didn’t, but I love and miss you… more than I ever have anybody in this way.

Quote:

“Life sucks in a good way: falling in love, falling in hate, getting hurt, and getting laid; what’s one without the other? But when it comes to the ritual of growing up, sometimes you smile because you’re happy, and othertimes you smile just because you survived. Yet in the end, a smile is a smile.” – Happy Campers

The Write Moment

Gabby Gabriel — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 03:50:41 +0000

I think I see you sometimes, more often than I thought I ever would. It’s not that I wanted to ever stop seeing you, it’s not that I wanted you to be the person I only think I see from time to time. I know this period will end, and I’ll finally write you back. It’s not that I don’t want to. I do want to. I want to see you again. Seeing you in other people shows that I am looking for you, sometimes it’s subconscious, but other times I leave work hoping I’ll run into you. I don’t wonder what you think, well, maybe I do… but you made it clear what you did think, even if you were just getting it out there. I’ll write you back. I’ll tell you what I’ve thought and am thinking. We’ll reconnect, it’ll be just like it was. Won’t it? Oh, I don’t know. We don’t even have that much time before I leave and then, and then I know when I think I see you, I’ll just be searching to fill that void… that void that I can fill, by writing you back. I’ll write you back, you’ll see.

Quote:

When he walks he casts a shadow of purpose. – Emme Woodhull-Bäche

0 for 1

Gabby Gabriel — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 16:30:55 +0000

I have spent a half hour watching different Oscar speeches, mainly for those who have won Best Actor/Actress. I have my favorites, and I have ones where I feel that their gratitude is not as well portrayed. We are celebrating the winners here, and although anyone nominated is considered a winner… I almost think the speeches of those who don’t quiet get there would be just as, if not more interesting than those of the “best.”

What happens to the losers? We so seldom hear their story.

We each have our own personal definition of losing and winning.

Here are two definitions as found on Dictionary.com:

Win:

“-verb (used without object)

1. to finish first in a race, contest, or the like.

2. to succeed by striving or effort: He applied for a scholarship and won.

3. to gain the victory; overcome an adversary: The home team won.

-verb (used with object)

4. to succeed in reaching (a place, condition, etc.), esp. by great effort: They won the shore through a violent storm.

5. to get by effort, as through labor, competition, or conquest: He won his post after years of striving.”

Lose

“-verb (used with object)

1. to come to be without (something in one’s possession or care), through accident, theft, etc., so that there is little or no prospect of recovery: I’m sure I’ve merely misplaced my hat, not lost it.

2. to fail inadvertently to retain (something) in such a way that it cannot be immediately recovered: I just lost a dime under this sofa.

14. to use to no purpose; waste: to lose time in waiting.

-verb (used without object)

23. to suffer loss: to lose on a contract.

24. to suffer defeat or fail to win, as in a contest, race, or game: We played well, but we lost.

25. to depreciate in effectiveness or in some other essential quality: a classic that loses in translation.”

The lessons learned from those who have lost, and always lose can be just as valuable as those that have lost and eventually won. Why does a loser continue if he never wins? Or is the fact that he continues why he is not really a loser in the first place? I think the day you become a real loser, is the day you give up. But does that even really make you a loser? Sometimes you have to know your limits, and other times you have to know how to push yourself to get where you want to be. I guess I am just grappling with examining my own sense of wins and losses.

Quote:

For when the One Great Scorer comes

To write against your name,

He marks-not that you won or lost-

But how you played the game.

-Grantland Rice